I stood in my hallway in front of the mirror and acted as though I were on stage at the Hammersmith Apollo. I looked out to the crowd and said “This time 2 years ago I was getting ready to travel to Wolverhampton to host a quiz night, and tonight, I’ve sold out the Apollo”. I guess these words came to me because deep down that’s what I would love to happen and I do believe that the things we want can happen for us. In fact, many of the things we’ve wanted over the years have happened for us. We just tend to want more, so we forget about the wants that have already been fulfilled. My mother always wanted a boy and after having 3 girls in a row, I came along. My sister drove a beaten-up Volkswagen Golf, with every gear change this car would die a little more, she wanted a new car and now drives a lovely Nissan Juke. I want to live a life where my love for performing is rewarded and I can make a living from it. Many of my wants have already been fulfilled and this one could be too. Why not?

I had taken leave from work this week and I appreciate that doing so only fuels the perception that I am hardly ever at work, but honestly, it’s because I tend to hold on to my leave until the latter part of the year. The winter months are so dull, dark and dreary so I like to give myself time off as something to look forward to. As I had this week off I decided to try and get a few comedy gigs in. My first for the week would be at Vauxhall Comedy Club. What made this gig extra special was the fact that my mother came along. To get on stage and perform comedy I believe you have to develop a degree of fearlessness, performing some of my material in front of my mother would be a test of just how fearless I am becoming. I did 5 minutes of comedy, it was a rather tight set and I’m pleased to say it got quite a few laughs. I tried out a few additional jokes and they worked well, this was all good practice for the next gig that I had lined up, as this one would be a test of just how far I’d come. I’m pleased to say that my mother thoroughly enjoyed the night, not just my performance (although, I’m sure she would say I was the best!) but the entire evening.

The next gig I had lined up would be my biggest to date. My cousin who works for a government organisation here in London had formed a team to put on an after-work fundraising event for the mental health charity ‘Time to Change’ and what better way to raise awareness surrounding such a heavy topic than to have a night of laughter. Performing on the bill were a few UK comedy legends. I’m talking comedians who had been in the business for 20 plus years. On the bill was Adam Bloom, Mike Gunn and Carey Marx (The Pros) then there was Cee Cee and myself (The Amateurs). The event was held in a function hall with between 150 – 200 people present. Up until this point the largest crowd I had performed comedy to was about 40 people. Now to me, the laughter of 40 is the same as the laughter of 200, because laughter is laughter, but the silence of 200 people would surely be worse than the silence of 40 and when doing comedy, it’s the silence that I fear the most. I also fear hecklers, boos, tomato’s or any other kind of fruit and veg. I spent some time at home going through my material, thinking about which jokes to pull out, how to deliver them, how to transition from one joke to the other and then I went through a few practice runs prior to the gig. I felt prepared and nothing is better than going on stage feeling prepared. After timing my set, it came in at around 15 minutes and this would be my 15th gig. It’s funny but I didn’t notice this correlation until I just wrote it. Maybe I’ll try to do 30 minutes for my 30th gig. Adam Bloom was MC-ing the evening and introduced me to the stage as “The most natural comedian he’s ever worked with” high praise from a man with 25 years in the business. I started my set as intended, but whether it be the lights, the people present or just the pressure of it all, I forgot 2 of my opening jokes. I rattled my brain but they would not come back to me for love nor money. So, I just had to move on. If you were watching the performance you would never know that I missed a joke, because the key to any performance is to just keep going, but I knew, and it bothered me for a large part of the set, however, I started to get into a rhythm and soon enough I was in my stride. I love gigs where there are not stringent time constraints because they allow you to actually enjoy yourself more and be in the moment, at one point I found myself laughing at my own jokes and the way the crowd received them. I’ve discovered that something I like more than a laugh is the laugh/groan. When you say something that is initially funny to an audience but then they think about it and it makes them groan and maybe even chastise themselves for laughing at it. That’s the best! The night was a huge success and altogether over £2000 was raised for the charity. It was a milestone evening for me in this comedy journey. I feel like a kid who’s been admiring his neighbourhood peers ride around on two-wheeler bicycles and I’ve just realised I can…wait…I can…I can do it too…I’m doing it Mama! I’m doing it!

**Decided that half go my cousin’s face would be enough**

**Classic ‘This Guy’ pose with Adam Bloom**

It’s cold, grey and beyond the droplets of rain on the window of this train is an abundance of greenery. Fields, trees, hills, it’s rather picturesque but the weather does not complement the scenery. The train is moving forward, but I’m sat facing the opposite direction. I’m rather particular about where I sit and prefer to sit facing the direction in which a vehicle is travelling but when I boarded this train I forgot which direction we would be going and I’m rather committed to this seat now…in other words, I just can’t be asked to move. I am en route to Wolverhampton and was sat warm and comfortable on my train until, in true British transportation fashion, the destination was changed and I had to disembark at Northampton. I’m back on track now and on schedule to arrive in time for tonight’s show. I will be hosting a quiz night. It’s the first one I’ve ever done so am naturally nervous about how it will go but as I have said before, these are the moments I long for and this is a feeling I need to embrace and step into. I arrived in Wolverhampton at around 4pm and was met at the station by my friend Cherelle. She drove me to get some battered chips and fish, a staple food of Wolverhampton, I could feel the oil running through my veins but it was amazing. She then dropped me off at my Airbnb. I had booked a room in a house for the night and it was just what I needed. Warm, comfortable, a nice big bed, the only issue were the cats clawing at my door and trying to get in. I showered, changed and prepared myself to head to the venue. It was ShowTime!

As I write this section of this week’s blog I’m sat on the train heading back to London, yes, I’m facing the way it’s travelling, and I’m also rather hung over. Too much rum and coke. To my right is a cup of black coffee that is helping ease me into the day. It’s just gone 10 am and we’ve pulled into Birmingham New Street. I am now going to try and put last night into words and although I am quite the wordsmith I feel like I am bound to fall short because some things, you just have to be there for, but I will try. I arrived at the venue in Wolverhampton nice and early and watched as the room filled up little by little, before I knew it the hall was full, people were in high spirits and ready to have a good night, it was my job to facilitate this. I had some ideas of how I would take the stage, what I would say first, how I would engage with the crowd, but the moment I got on stage that all changed. When it comes to presenting I feel like being able to read the room is vital and I don’t think the crowd was warmed up enough for the way I had intended to start. My idea was to take to the stage and do the whole, “When I say…..You say…” but I figured this isn’t a rap concert so I played it safe and eased myself into proceedings. I figured that after a round of games and a drink people would begin to loosen up a little and then we could really start having fun. And that is exactly what happened, the crowd did not disappoint. The quiz was split in to 3 rounds. The celebrity round, the general knowledge round and the music round with a few interactive games between rounds. The night was full of debate, controversy, friendly banter and drama but all in good spirits. Being on stage and watching people’s reactions was comedy for me. There were so many characters in the crowd but ultimately it is those characters that make the night so special. This was my first experience of being booked as a comic to MC an event and with it came the pressure to be funny. When I first took to the stage I tried to make a few pre-planned jokes, in other words, I tried to be funny, but it soon became clear to me that it’s not about being deliberately funny, sometimes you just need to relax and let funny happen, and once I got into that frame of mind, with the help of a rum and coke…or two, I felt so much more comfortable and I’m sure the crowd could sense this. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I’m sure the crowd did also. I was approached by a few people after the show and complimented on my hosting and the way I handled the crowd during those contentious moments. I could go on and on about the night, but the last thing I’ll say is this, ‘Ready or Not’ is the name of the event, it is organised by twins Aisha and Abiyola with the help of their friend Cherelle and their family members. Together they have created an amazing night. A night where a mixture of races and generations can get together, engage in some friendly competition, have a laugh, have a drink, have a dance and enjoy the night. I was honoured to be a part of it all and if they want me back to host another event, I’ll be there!

The twin organisers give them a follow — **The twin organisers give them a** **follow**

11.11.1985, this was the day I came into the world, 34 years ago on a Monday. I guess it’s rather serendipitous that I am now posting this, my 11th blog, today, the 11th day of November, the 11th month of the year and a Monday too, the exact day on which I was born. Yes, it’s my birthday. I didn’t plan this 11 weeks ago, to be fair it would have been pretty sad of me if I had. This is just how it all worked out. I also didn’t plan for this to be my last blog post for a while, but following a conversation with a close friend of mine I decided that this would be a good time to check out for a bit.

Time, it’s something we can never get back, it’s something we could all do with more of, it’s something we need to use wisely, but with it, there’s only so much we can do and sometimes we have to acknowledge when we’re doing too much. My friend and I were talking about time. We looked back on just how far we’ve both come in our lives and our careers. I expressed to him that lately I have been feeling more pressure than I ever felt before. However, my lifestyle hasn’t changed much since I was 17. It was at this age that I started living on my own and became fully independent. Back then, I was working full time, paying bills, making music, travelling, literally everything I do now, so why do I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach, why do I feel more pressure. He said “I know why bro, and it’s one word”, “I think I know what you’re going to say”, I replied, he paused and then said “Age”. It’s exactly what I anticipated him saying, and what is invariably linked to age? Time. It changes your perspective, it also changes the way you’re perceived. When I was 17 and independent I was doing things beyond my years. When I told people of my situation they were taken aback, but now, everything I’m doing is expected of me at this stage of my life, there’s no prizes, no gold stars, no amazement, it’s what’s expected. The stakes are also higher now, when you make a mistake early in the game there’s time on the clock to rectify it, but the deeper into the game we go, the less chances there are to make amends so the less room there is for error. The realisation of such things brings about pressure, that’s what I’m feeling and that’s the reasons why. Over the years, I’ve found that the best way to deal with such feelings is to be grateful. Gratitude is a powerful thing. So, on this day, my 34th birthday, I am truly grateful for being alive, for having the years on this earth that I have been blessed with. I have laughed, shared experiences and broke bread with others, some not lucky enough to see this age so I take nothing for granted and I give thanks.

As I mentioned previously, we have to acknowledge when we’re doing too much. Putting this blog together takes time and when we give our time to something, something else has to give. I have been juggling work, music, comedy, this blog, personal relationships and whatever else life throws at me and I have to admit, I’m starting to feel it, especially as my work life has also become a bit more intense of late. I have assignments to complete ahead of a week-long residential course in December which is pass or fail and failure is not an option and so, I have had to make the decision to take a break from the blog.

Over the last 11 weeks I realise that so much has happened in just that short space of time and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about it all. No doubt you’ve learnt a lot more about me and some you may have already known, but I also hope you’ve learnt a lot about yourself, I hope that some of my views and experiences have triggered something in you, have caused you to think, to feel, to laugh or even cry. I’m not sure how these blogs have affected you, but I thank you for reading them and I hope to be back soon with some more, as they have been a great way for me to get my thoughts out, but now it’s time to get to work.

Until you read from me again, take care of yourself and others, never stop working on yourself or your dreams and remember, it’s always too early to quit.

Be well

Roman Harris

'Time' By Roman Harris